Or better yet “Quit Cooking With Cheese!”
We’ve all heard both of those sayings and you are probably wondering “what’s the connection?” Or even, why....?
Well I will jump right in to it, the other night started off just fine, as they normally do.
In fact it was proceeding right along as they usually do as well.
Nothing much happening in the Messner Household which is often the case.
The big teaser most nights is whether we watch a movie together or split up in to different rooms each watching our own show (which often is the case).
We lead boring lives. I often say that’s a good thing because when stuff hits the fan (as it does from time to time) we always wish for what... boring lives!
That my friends creates contentment!
On the night in question we were in the usual position for this accommodation here in Todos Santos, Mexico. Laying on top of the bed covers, laying on our backs. Me to the left and Barb on the right side of the bed. Heads propped up with pillows, we each had our “ear pods” in and we were both watching our own movies
Barb with her usual “Chick Flick” and me with something normal like an action adventure type of movie.
To my left is the bedroom’s clothes closet and to Barb’s right is a long wall of high glass windows and matching sliding glass doors as shown above.
Now, you have a bit of the background and can maybe visualize the scene of this particular evening a bit better.
After some time of watching our own movies (each) the sun was long gone down and into the Pacific Ocean which lay beyond our windows leaving behind a very dark and starry night.
The lights in our Casita were turned down nice and low for a perfect movie watching atmosphere. We usually just leave the drapes on the windows open and I at times wonder who and what is staring in the windows back at us? Things we can not see?
We are on a bit of a hill side in the desert with the odd house around similar to an acreage setting back home. Bushes, cactus, desert, sand and gravel best describes it.
Tonight was no different than the others. The movies were both enjoyable and then to my surprise I thought Barb must have chosen a horror film instead as she jumped and curled towards me into the fetal position whilst yelling something I could not hear over the little speakers in my ears.
It was obvious... as I saw her IPad fly-by... that something may be amiss?
As I tore my ipods from my ears it became ever so clear what had just happened. In a not so calm manner Barb explained that a mouse had walked by on the floor on her side of the bed.
Yes it is true, Barb is scared of mice at night, in her bedroom.
I as most Husbands see these little cheese eating creatures as harmless, cute and fun.
For any of the guys reading this I am sure most of you have gone through this type of experience at least once in your life time. The sheer horror and fear that overwhelms you as your spouse or lady friend begins to scream in pitches “previously unknown to man-kind” - All due to one of God’s smallest and cutest creatures as they lazily stroll by meaning no harm to any human who may by chance see them.
As you can likely imagine I spent the next couple of minutes trying to calm my dear Bride as she trembled, shook and shivered while speaking half words of what she just witnessed. It clearly horrified her and in of all places... the so sacred room where she once lay.
A couple minutes later as they often do (Barb always does) the Lady moves on from the “fear factor level” of emotion to the all encompassing “Attack Mode.”
After 37 years of marriage I can confidently say that this so-called “Attack Mode” can only occur when there is a very “buff” and “manly” version of the opposite sex in the room with her (me).
Otherwise the “Lady” will remain recluse in the previously mentioned mode often described as “Fetal-Fear Factor Mode.” They cant help this... It’s in their DNA. 🧬
When this mode switch occurs it is best for the man to remain calm and try to reason with the victim while at the same time as comforting and re-assuring her that the varmit will not return or ever attack her! As often as I try this skill it rarely works out to the males advantage. However attempts in this regard are still recommended and worth at least one attempt.
Yes, Barb wanted me (as usual) to seek out and destroy her enemy!
You see what has now occurred is best described by Pshycologist’s (world-wide) as the dreaded “Fight or Flight Syndrome.” The only difference is that most female victims remain in the “Fight” stage of the syndrome when their “Buff men” are present around them (that’s me).
As many of you males have learned and observed from previous incidents the small creature has now turned in to a monster. Now known as the enemy! It’s imperative that you in no way give this aggressor any form of credibility no matter how scared you yourself become!
The longer the situation sits at this stage - the bigger the monster becomes!
So as in past incidents Barb was demanding that the evil one be neutralized and in a fashion where she does not witness or see the aftermath. Yes, even though she refuses to put her feet on to the floor and move away from the initial crime scene!
Experienced husbands will also advise that this is no time to argue or make demands of their own. They will lose any and all arguments during this phase of emotion.
ADVICE: Simply “take the battle to the enemy”.... which is what I did next.
Following Barb’s description of the events I quickly determined the aggressor had deviated towards and somehow in to the screen door. He was either long gone on the other side (outside) or some where in the vicinity of the door. Using my stealth skills and a flash light I followed the trail and was quite confident that he had fled the area. I returned back to Barb with more soothing and kind words as only I can do.
We returned to our previous positions on the bed and back to watching our movies. Sure as daylight comes... A couple minutes later he was back! Did he forget something I asked? My war cry should have scared him off and over to the next acreage? Why is he back?
This time I searched the screen door ever more thoroughly and AHA! I could see the tiny 3” tail hanging down from the top frame of the door! Rather than breaking into “hand to hand combat” I utilized some discretion and I elected one more “War Cry” along with a very loud thud (thanks to the assistance of a near-by Yoga Mat!).
Even just writing about this Stage of the events my heart races and my blood is beginning to flow like fire!
What does he (the enemy) do?
He turns around and faces me head-on and with absolutely NO-FEAR he screams back!!!
What!!!! Seriously!
Not once, I in my over 60 years of service have I ever seen a mouse stop, turn and growl at you when he is under immense threat from said human being!
This one did!
There was only one thing left to do.. Time for the “Big Guns!”
Barb! I yelled, “bring me the paper towel!”
Barb knowing all along that I had gone in to my “Warrior Mode” was worried.
She said “What are you going to do Jim?”
I said “Stand back and watch!”
I tore off pieces of paper towel and plugged off all the possible little holes between the safety of our home and where Mr. Mouse was launching his threat from. “Now, he won’t get in I exclaimed!”
Unless of course he eats through the paper towel....
We didn’t get much sleep that night...
It was a hot night... as the desert winds howled along with that of the Desert Coyotes and one crazy psychotic mouse who stared skywards at the moon during his song.
Barb obviously had less sleep than I. (It reminded me of that first night in Mexico on the drive down where we stayed in that street-side motel with our clothes on) But we awoke the next morning with no bites, no harm and in one piece. Was he waiting us out? Time was after-all on his side.
A few minutes later Barb said “Jim your not going to believe this?”
She goes on to explain her research this morning into said “public enemy number one.”
She was able to narrow his breed down geographically and learn even more from his features and actions that are quite unique for a mouse.
Apparently this is not just any mouse!
I was in face to face combat with the dreaded:
“Grasshopper Mouse” AKA the “Ware-Wolf Mouse!”
This breed of mouse are in fact very psychotic - (maybe they drink Mezcal?) - they will turn on you - they howl like Coyotes do and they are Carnivores!
I could have been killed!
So, remember that saying back at the start of this Blog...
But.. as scary as it was, it’s time to go out for breakfast now!
The End.
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